An advertisement for nothing

I don’t fit in this world
I’m confused by it
I look around and I see things that make sense
but at the same time don’t make any sense to me
I look up at the sky and can’t see a single star from my rooftop
I look at the freeway
and just see a stretch of cars fading into blinking lights
as they pass the many high poles
and I know this will never end
One strip white as they approach
one strip red as they retreat
all going to different places
all important
all unique
all busy

In one direction I see the city that I have to work in every day
a mass, stacked circuit board of people in a rush
that are getting in my way
kindness stands out in the city
it is the exception to the rule
and when it’s viewed in passing it is a miraculous thing
look to the children when you are in the city, if you want to see real people
because everyone else is just too busy
or homeless

In the other direction I have what people from the country might consider a city
low lying stretch of yellow lights
blocked out by the occasional square, unimportant building
sometimes topped by a small tower that no one will ever shoot a rifle from

This rooftop is my sanctuary
it’s my escape from the box, inside of the box
it’s where I smoke my mostly cigarettes
it’s where I record myself speaking into my phone
and it’s where I breathe the freshest air I can get
as it swirls in from that busy city and mixes with the air from the BQE
I look down at the windows
the many rows of parallel glowing rectangles
all with their own colors
some with patterns
and I rarely see any people
and if I do
they are either doing the dishes
or setting their alarm for the next morning

In the distance there’s a billboard
A tall suspended white rectangle
there’s no advertising on it
there’s nothing on it
it’s just a white rectangle
It’s an advertisement for what I'm talking about
Nothing
The nothing that used to occur on long trips with horse drawn buggies
the nothing of a day
the nothing of fishing
and of listening to insects
the nothing of a sunset
or laying in the grass and looking at the stars
the nothing of a day without spoken words
the nothing of a life lived normally and naturally
this advertisement goes unnoticed by both the white strip of lights and the red
and soon it will be covered in a poster for a 3D movie
and before long that advertisement will be in 3D
and after that maybe they’ll send up artificial lights
to compensate for the thick smog that obscures our stars